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Things you should know about 700/900-series Volvos, especially the wagons:

- Owners of rolling boxes do not pick up members of the opposite sex with fabulous bodies, questionable morals and the sort of limited mental capacity that would make them overlook your grease-stained wardrobe and fascination with boost. They can, however, pick up an amazing amount of other junk and fit it comfortably in the 700’s cavernous interior.

-You will not impress the kids. You may scare them. You may even emasculate them as you turn their plastic-bedazzled “sport compact” into a rapidly dwindling spot in your rear view mirror, but they won’t stop and say, “Cool ride, dude.”

-People don’t really notice you. That includes police.

-Volvo seats are supremely comfortable.

-If you manage to wreck it, at least you’ll have the best safety the Swedes could muster protecting your over-exuberant hide.

-There is no finer place for a “My Child Beat Up Your Honor Student” bumper sticker.