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The Art of War for Zombies - Rene J. SmithINTRODUCTION
They walk among us: The Living. And they have for centuries. They are the Human Race—our nemesis. They seek to vanquish us. But we bite back. Still, every Zombie needs support. Hence this book.
The Art of War for Zombies will assist you, Undead Comrade, on your journey through the land of the Living. Based on the teachings of Sun-Tzumbie, with additional anecdotal material from Madame Cadavre Exquis, this book will help the Horde become organized as it reveals ancient Zombie secrets for overcoming our Living opponents.
Discover how to assess your Enemy, plan for sieges, and develop offensive strategy (an easy task for us of the decaying flesh). Understand that female Humans will wear high-heeled shoes during Zombie outbreaks, making them easy targets. (Why do Humans insist on thinking the Apocalypse is going to be sexy?) Laugh because a popular “Zombie survival manual” is dispensed not in bookstore “Self-Help” sections, but in “Humor.” BWAHAHA! (Unfortunately, it remains a bestseller.) And remember: Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it. Soon every day will be the Day of the Dead. If you can’t join ’em, beat ’em—and eat ’em!
As Sun-Tzumbie says, “If you know the Enemy and know yourself (or what’s left of you), you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
It all starts by declaring one word: WAR! THE APOCALYPSE WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!
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