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 Tema posta: Vicevi (neodredjeno)
PostPoslato: 04 Feb 2005, 22:30 
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Odsad ovdje idu neodredjeni vicevi, ne morate za svaki vic otvarati posebnu temu...
**********
Šta se dobije od dva električara i jednog policajca?
Dve faze i nula!

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Poslednji put menjao FLASH dana 24 Maj 2006, 15:28, izmenjena samo jedanput

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Ide komad hljeba Etopijom, ali spazise ga ljudi na ulici i nastade prava jurnjava za njim. Bjezi on tako kroz male uske sokacice i upade u bastu nekog lokala, kad tamo sjedi komad salame i pije pice. Kad ga hjeb ugleda, histericno povika:
- "Bjezi i tebe ce pojesti!"
Na to ce salama:
- "Nista se ti ne brini, spasavaj sebe, za mene oni jos nisu culi." :D

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Vozili se muži žena, kad žena počne pričati...
- "Dragi ja već 2 godine ševim tvog najboljeg prijatelja!"
Muždodaje gas..
- "Naravno, rastajem se od tebe. Uzet ću vilu, vikendicu na moru i ušteđevinu!"
Muždodaje gas..
- "Djeca će naravno pripasti meni i mislim da je 10 000 eura mjesečno alimentacije dovoljno!"
Muždodaje još gasa..
- "Nego dragi, treba li tebi što?"
- "Ne, draga, ja imam zračni jastuk i to je sve što mi treba."
:lol:


PS: Sto ljudi u zadnje vrijeme ne posjecuju bas ovaj podforum? :roll:

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Pilot iz aviona zove slovensku kontrolu leta i kaže:
- "Ovdje let ABC123, tražimo dopuštenje za korištenje zračog prostora."
Slovenska kontrola leta odgovara:
- "Dobro došli u Slov... Doviđenja!"

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Zeko i ris odlučili da budu prijatelji. Kaže ris:
- "Ma koliko bio gladan ti si moj prijatelj i ja te neću pojesti!"
Zeko zadovoljan njegovom odlukom pozove ga na piće i tako je počelo njihovo prijateljstvo. Prolazile su godine i sve je bilo super do jedne zime. Sve je bilo smrznuto, hrane nigdje i nakon nekog vremena ris više nije mogao izdržati i dođe do zekine jazbine:
- "Zeko, ja ne mogu više izađi da te pojedem umrijet ću od gladi!!"
A zeko viče iz jazbine:
- "NE rise!!!"
A ris će:
- "Ma ne remse!!"
:D

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Pita uciteljica malog Ivicu:
- "Sto je to u sumici tamno i krece se."
- "Srna", kaze Ivica.
- "Dobro, ali moze biti i zeko", rece uciteljica.
- "A sto je to", ponovo upita uciteljica: "u bari zeleno."
- "Zaba", kaze Ivica.
- "Dobro, ali moze biti i dazdevnjak."
- "Mogu ja nesto pitati", kaze Ivica.
- "Pitaj."
- "U ustima veliko, a kada izlazi van malo."
Opali uciteljica Ivici samar.
- "Dobro", kaze Ivica: "ali moze biti i zvaka."
:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Otisli muz i zena na kampovanje. Postavise ono satori i legose da spavaju.
U toku noci probudi muz zenu i rece:"zeno molim te, ajd pogledaj zvijezde i reci mi sta vidis."
Zena pogleda i odgovori:"Pa, vidim gomilu zvijezda."
"I sta tebi to predstavlja?"muz ce.
"Pa, u astroloskom smislu Saturn je u znaku lava, a astronomskom, to su milioni zvijezda, planeta i drugig nebeskih tijela, u meteroloskom sutra nas ceka fin dan, a u vremnskom sada je 3.30!" odgovori zena zadovoljna svojim odgovormo i upita :"A sta tebi to znaci, dragi?"
"Jebiga zeno ukralo nam sator!"odgovori muz.

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josephine je napisao:
Otisli muz i zena na kampovanje. Postavise ono satori i legose da spavaju.
U toku noci probudi muz zenu i rece:"zeno molim te, ajd pogledaj zvijezde i reci mi sta vidis."
Zena pogleda i odgovori:"Pa, vidim gomilu zvijezda."
"I sta tebi to predstavlja?"muz ce.
"Pa, u astroloskom smislu Saturn je u znaku lava, a astronomskom, to su milioni zvijezda, planeta i drugig nebeskih tijela, u meteroloskom sutra nas ceka fin dan, a u vremnskom sada je 3.30!" odgovori zena zadovoljna svojim odgovormo i upita :"A sta tebi to znaci, dragi?"
"Jebiga zeno ukralo nam sator!"odgovori muz.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

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...you best find something TO DIE for!!!


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Flavoure-Flave je napisao:
josephine je napisao:
Otisli muz i zena na kampovanje. Postavise ono satori i legose da spavaju.
U toku noci probudi muz zenu i rece:"zeno molim te, ajd pogledaj zvijezde i reci mi sta vidis."
Zena pogleda i odgovori:"Pa, vidim gomilu zvijezda."
"I sta tebi to predstavlja?"muz ce.
"Pa, u astroloskom smislu Saturn je u znaku lava, a astronomskom, to su milioni zvijezda, planeta i drugig nebeskih tijela, u meteroloskom sutra nas ceka fin dan, a u vremnskom sada je 3.30!" odgovori zena zadovoljna svojim odgovormo i upita :"A sta tebi to znaci, dragi?"
"Jebiga zeno ukralo nam sator!"odgovori muz.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

A vic gdje je? :)

- Zasto svi uragani imaju zenska imena?

- Kad dodju njezni su i topli, a kad odu odnose kuce, aute... :)

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Kako prepoznati bogatog Etiopljanina?? Ima Rolex oko struka!!!

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Zali se Mujo policajcu:
-Juce mi pala saksija na glavu!
-A sta je bilo u njoj?
-Nista!
-A u saksiji??? :lol:

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Pridružio se: 14 Mar 2005, 23:42
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Cujem ja neko zvoni na vrata,
kad ono CECA,drzi kesu vutre.
Uzmem brzo travu,zavalim se u fotelju,
zarolam dzoint,povucem dim i kazem..
"neka ceka Brena"...


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Prolazi Pirocanac nekom mracnom, opasnom ulicom i sretnu ga trojica tipova i zatraze novcanik, a on neda. I tu izbi tuca, biju se oni pola sata i jedva nekako savladaju Pirocanca. Uzmu mu novcanik, kad ono, tamo samo 5 dinara!!! Kaze jedan od mangupa:
- "Jebote, da je ovaj imao deset dinara u novcaniku RAZBIO bi nas!!!"

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Pardon mi zbog jezika.Al drugacije nije JOKE.

The Europian Union Commision have announsed the agreement has been reached to adopt English rather than German as the prefered language for Europian communications.

AS a part of the negotiations , The British govermment conceded that the English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English(Euro fo short)

IN the first year "S" will be used instead of the soft "C".Sertanly sivil servants will resive this new with joy.Also, the hard "C" will be replaced with "K".Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthuisam in the sekond year, when the troublesome"TH" will be replaced by "F" .This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per cent shorter.

IN the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Goverments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling.Also al will agre that the horrible mes of silent"E" s in the languag is disgrasiful, and they would go.
By the fourth tear, people will be reseptiv to steps such as replacing "TH" by "Z" and "W" by "V".

During ze fifz year, ze nesesary "O" kan be dropped from vords "OU" and similar changes vud ofkors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.Zer vir be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun wil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.


Poslednji put menjao Mr.X dana 24 Mar 2005, 02:08, izmenjena 2 puta

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Opet nemoguce prevesti , stvarno se izvinjavam onima koji ne govore Engleski.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down at the bar orders some food to eat.He calmly eats all his food until he is finished.As he gets up he puls out a gun and fires a few shots into the ceiling.No one is injured but the bartender is furious "Why did you do that" The bartended yells.

As he's walking out the door tha panda turn around and says"I'm panda, look it up"! And he leaves.


So the bartender goes into his back room and pulls out his old dictionary.After blowing the dust off it he opens and finds the entry for "panda"

IT says "PANDA":native to Asia and a member of a racoon family ,Has black and white marking. Eats shoots and leaves.


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Mr.X je napisao:
Opet nemoguce prevesti , stvarno se izvinjavam onima koji ne govore Engleski.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down at the bar orders some food to eat.He calmly eats all his food until he is finished.As he gets up he puls out a gun and fires a few shots into the ceiling.No one is injured but the bartender is furious "Why did you do that" The bartended yells.

As he's walking out the door tha panda turn around and says"I'm panda, look it up"! And he leaves.


So the bartender goes into his back room and pulls out his old dictionary.After blowing the dust off it he opens and finds the entry for "panda"

IT says "PANDA":native to Asia and a member of a racoon family ,Has black and white marking. Eats shoots and leaves.



Svaka cast majstore,fenomenalan je

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...you best find something TO DIE for!!!


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Pridružio se: 19 Jun 2003, 05:18
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Mr.X je napisao:
Opet nemoguce prevesti , stvarno se izvinjavam onima koji ne govore Engleski.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down at the bar orders some food to eat.He calmly eats all his food until he is finished.As he gets up he puls out a gun and fires a few shots into the ceiling.No one is injured but the bartender is furious "Why did you do that" The bartended yells.

As he's walking out the door tha panda turn around and says"I'm panda, look it up"! And he leaves.


So the bartender goes into his back room and pulls out his old dictionary.After blowing the dust off it he opens and finds the entry for "panda"

IT says "PANDA":native to Asia and a member of a racoon family ,Has black and white marking. Eats shoots and leaves.


:lol:

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Alo ljudi, a gdje je vic nakon komentara? :o
Pravila pogledajte!

Ide mama patka, tata patak i malo pače kad naiđe auto i zgazi mamu i tatu.
Idu tako i mama i tata tvor i mali tvorić, naiđe auto i zgazi mamu i tatu tvora.
Ostadoše tako pače i tvorić sami, nemaju pojma ni tko su ni što su. Sretnu se oni i pođoše kontati što bi mogli biti. Kaže tvor pačetu:
- "Ti si lijep, imaš perje, možeš letit i plivat, ti si sigurno patka."
Kaže pače:
- "Pa možda i jesam. A ti si crn, čupav i smrdiš. Ti si sigurno pi**a!"

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Pridružio se: 19 Jun 2003, 05:18
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Mr.X je napisao:
Pardon mi zbog jezika.Al drugacije nije JOKE.

The Europian Union Commision have announsed the agreement has been reached to adopt English rather than German as the prefered language for Europian communications.

AS a part of the negotiations , The British govermment conceded that the English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English(Euro fo short)

IN the first year "S" will be used instead of the soft "C".Sertanly sivil servants will resive this new with joy.Also, the hard "C" will be replaced with "K".Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthuisam in the sekond year, when the troublesome"TH" will be replaced by "F" .This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per cent shorter.

IN the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Goverments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling.Also al will agre that the horrible mes of silent"E" s in the languag is disgrasiful, and they would go.
By the fourth tear, people will be reseptiv to steps such as replacing "TH" by "Z" and "W" by "V".

During ze fifz year, ze nesesary "O" kan be dropped from vords "OU" and similar changes vud ofkors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.Zer vir be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun wil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.


Tek sad procitah i vic je dobar do bola!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Evo jedan i od mene, al' jopet na engleskom:

What do you get when you assume?
You make an ASS out of U and Me.

_________________
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Sad se sjetih jos neceg,nadam se da moderator se nece ljutit zbog pisanja na engl...i sto je vic thought provoking.

A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time,
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window , points and yells "PIG"!

The man immediately leans out the window shakes his fist and shouts back"WITCH"!

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.


If only men would listen.


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